试着翻译了一下北岛的《回答》

炉边诗社

水平一般,担心有很多语法问题,还望指出 (=3=` ∠ )



The Answer

Vileness is the passport for the vile,

Loftiness is the epitaph of the lofty.

Look, in that gilded heaven

There throngs the fluttering reflections of the dead.



An ice age has ended,

Why are glaciers still omnipresent on the earth?

The Cape of Good Hope has been discovered,

Why is the Dead Sea still swarmed with racing sails?



I arrived in this world,

Carrying only a shadow, a rope and paper,

To convey the manifestos of the judged,

Before the final verdict is passed:



To tell you, world,

I -- do -- not -- believe!

If one thousand challengers lie beneath your feet,

Then let me become the one thousand and first.



I don't believe in the blue of the sky,
I don't believe in the roars from the thunder.
I don't believe that dreams are illusory,
I don't believe that death let all sins end up.




If the ocean is destined to burst the dike,

Then let all the bitterness pour into my heart;

If the continent is destined to rise,

Then let humans choose a new peak to abide.



A new transition and sparkling stars,

Are spreading over the unmasked firmament.

They are the hieroglyphs of five thousand years,

They are the staring eyes of the future.

( 由 作者 于 2020年9月24日 编辑 )
9 个评论

翻译很赞啊!这首诗我也非常喜欢。

几个小建议:

The interval of ice age has ended,(冰川纪过去了)

An ice age has ended

Why the Dead Sea is still covered by sails racing together? (为什么死海里千帆相竞?)

Why is the Dead Sea still swarmed with racing sails?

I don't believe that death would never return a favor.(我不相信死无报应)

I don't believe that death ends all sins.

If the continent is destined to lift,(如果陆地注定要上升)

If the continent is destined to rise

The new-born turns and sparkling stars,(新的转机和闪闪星斗,)

A new transition and the sparkling stars

:(
青年 一切死亡都有冗長的回聲

@爱狗却养猫 #16311173 多谢!第三句我就拿去当写作模板了

顺便对应着改了一些句尾的词方便押韵

更新:又把第三句改了改,不知道现在这样如何?担心怪怪的...

《回答》——北岛


卑鄙是卑鄙者的通行证,
高尚是高尚者的墓志铭,
看吧,在那镀金的天空中,
飘满了死者弯曲的倒影。



冰川纪过去了,
为什么到处都是冰凌?
好望角发现了,
为什么死海里千帆相竞?



我来到这个世界上,
只带着纸、绳索和身影,
为了在审判之前,
宣读那些已被判决的声音:



告诉你吧,世界,
我——不——相——信!
纵使你脚下有一千名挑战者,
那就把我算作第一千零一名。



我不相信天是蓝的,
我不相信雷的回声,
我不相信梦是假的,
我不相信死无报应。



如果海洋注定要决堤,
就让所有的苦水都注入我心中,
如果陆地注定要上升,
就让人类重新选择生存的峰顶。



新的转机和闪闪星斗,
正在缀满没有遮拦的天空。
那是五千年的象形文字,
那是未来人们凝视的眼睛。



1978年

海盗湾革命🌈
libgen.eth 天堂应该是图书馆的模样。一个阅读诗歌的人要比不读诗歌的人更难被战胜。创造是一种拯救。创造拯救了创造者本身。

@青年 #16387311 看到《回答》是1976年创作的?另外找到两个英译


译文1:摘自庞秉钧、闵福德、高尔登编译《中国现代诗选》(中国对外翻译出版公司,2008年1月第一版)

The Answer

Baseness is the a passport for the base,

Honour an epitaph for the honourable.

See how the gilded sky teems

With the twisted shadows of the dead.

The ice age is over,

So why does ice still bind the world?

The Cape of Good Hope has been discovered,

So why is the Dead Sea still thick with sails?

I come into this world

Carrying only paper, rope and a shadow,

To proclaim before judgment is passed

This plea of the judged:

Listen to me, world,

I -- do -- not -- believe!

If a thousand challengers lie beneath your feet

Then I am number one thousand and one.

I don't believe the sky is blue;

I don't believe the thunder's roar;

I don't believe that dreams are false;

I don't believe that death has no revenge.

If the ocean is destined to break the dike;

Then let its bitter water pour into my soul;

If the land is destined to rise,

Then let mankind choose a new mountain for survival.

The vast unobstructed firmament

Is it with glimmering stars;

They are a new turning:

These hieroglyphs of the ages,

These staring eyes of the future.

译文2:摘自吉狄马加、海岸主编《中国当代诗歌前沿》(青海人民出版社,2009年8月第一版)

THE ANSWER

Contemptibility is the passport of the contemptible,

Nobleness an epitaph for the noble.

Look---the gilded sky teems

With the twisted reflections of the dead.

The ice age has passed,

Why is there still ice everywhere?

The Cape of Good Hoe has been discovered,

Why is the Dead Sea thick with competing sails?

I come into this world

With only paper, rope and a shadow,

To proclaim the pleas of the judged,

Before the trial has ever begun.

I say to you, world,

I---do---not---believe!

If a thousand challengers lie beneath your feet,

Then count me number one thousand and one.

I do not believe that the sky is blue,

I do not believe in the echo of thunder,

I do not believe that dreams are false,

I do not believe that the death has no revenge.

If the ocean is destined to breach its dikes,

Let all the biter waters pour into my heart;

If the land is destined to rise above,

Let mankind choose a new summit for the survival.

The new turning point and the sparkling stars

Are filling in a vast sky with nothing to hide.

It is the pictogram of five thousand years,

It is the gaze of the future generations.

(Tr. by Sawako Nakayasu & Hai An)

@青年 #16383241 我觉得很不错!我对比了下 @libgen 的译文,觉得各有千秋。

第三句,“看吧,在那镀金的天空中,飘满了死者弯曲的倒影。”,我比较了下几个版本:

See, in that gilded heaven There flutters the reflections of the dead

See how the gilded sky teems with With the twisted shadows of the dead.

Look---the gilded sky teems With the twisted reflections of the dead.

前半部分,天空的话,sky更准确些;但是heaven能带来一种宗教式的联想,而且gilded heaven也很make sense。所以我觉得都不错。“看吧”似乎是用Look更好些。

后半部分,从意译角度上来说,teem with(充满)有“满”的感觉,但是没有“飘”的感觉;我个人还挺喜欢你的翻译中“flutter”表现的“颤动”的感觉的,不过没有“满”。“弯曲的倒影”,twisted shadow和twisted reflection 都不错。

题外话一句,这句诗非常有画面感,会是不错的艺术创作题材。

@爱狗却养猫 #16457043

不知道改成

Look, in that gilded heaven,
There throngs the fluttering reflections of the dead

如何?

视觉上,fluttering的东西也就是弯曲的,这样也许能一次性传达两个意思?🤔

@libgen #16415050

在Google上又找到了一个不错的翻译: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/50088/the-answer-56d22cd8d69d0(原网址)


TRANSLATED BY BONNIE S. MCDOUGALL
Debasement is the password of the base,
Nobility the epitaph of the noble.
See how the gilded sky is covered
With the drifting twisted shadows of the dead.


The Ice Age is over now,
Why is there ice everywhere?
The Cape of Good Hope has been discovered,
Why do a thousand sails contest the Dead Sea?



I came into this world
Bringing only paper, rope, a shadow,
To proclaim before the judgment
The voice that has been judged:



Let me tell you, world,
I—do—not—believe!
If a thousand challengers lie beneath your feet,
Count me as number thousand and one.



I don't believe the sky is blue;
I don't believe in thunder's echoes;
I don't believe that dreams are false;
I don't believe that death has no revenge.



If the sea is destined to breach the dikes
Let all the brackish water pour into my heart;
If the land is destined to rise
Let humanity choose a peak for existence again.



A new conjunction and glimmering stars
Adorn the unobstructed sky now;
They are the pictographs from five thousand years.
They are the watchful eyes of future generations.

@青年 #100005

See how the gilded sky is covered With the drifting twisted shadows of the dead.

这里的drifting用得非常好,很有感觉。我觉得用了drifting,如果不是考虑到翻译的“信”的因素,后面的"twisted"其实都不用了。

那是未来人们凝视的眼睛。

“凝视的眼睛”,有的地方翻译成staring eyes,有的是gaze,有的是watchful eyes。我在考虑哪个感觉更好。这应该和对“凝视”的理解有关,也即凝视是带着什么样的情绪。staring和watchful都带着一种审视甚至警惕,而gaze则带有thought,curiority甚至admiration的意味。我个人的感觉,gaze更准确些。

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